How to comfort someone who lost a pet

The loss of a pet can be heartbreaking. Whether the passing was expected or sudden, the intensity of the emotions we can experience might surprise us. Watching a friend or loved one lose a pet can be difficult, too. Our bond with their pet is often not nearly as strong as the bond we have with our own, but just as we would want them to be there for us, we need to be there for them. Here’s how you can help them through this tough time in their life.

There are many ways to support someone who has recently experienced pet loss, and no two people are the same. To help make your support as impactful as possible during this challenging time, ask them directly what they need most. Just be prepared — they may not know how to answer that question immediately.

Comforting someone who’s lost their pet can be done in person, virtually, via text, online, through the phone, and many other ways. Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

1. Listen if they want to talk

While verbal support can be helpful to hear, sometimes listening can be more powerful in our saddest moments. When a person is grieving, they may respond one of two ways: they may attempt to process their emotions verbally, or they may shift toward silence. Either way, listen to what they say or share the silence with them.

Keep the conversation positive and moving forward rather than bringing up your personal experiences or focusing excessively on the loss of their beloved pet. While sharing similar experiences can sometimes be seen as helpful or sincere, some folks experiencing profound sadness might feel unheard or invalidated. They may also feel less inclined to share their feelings about what’s happened.

2. Remind them to be kind to themselves

Sometimes, pet owners must make the heart-wrenching decision to put their pet down. Whether due to health issues or old age, it’s natural for anyone to struggle with whether they made the right choice, and these feelings are entirely valid.

Challenge any thoughts about it being their fault or the wrong choice. Reaffirm the love and care they always showed to their pet. Remind them that they made the responsible and compassionate decision to consider their pet’s well-being and quality of life.

3. Validate their feelings

One of the best ways to support your friend is to offer encouragement. They may feel frustrated, deeply sad, overwhelmed, nervous about the future, or what their pet experienced as they crossed the rainbow bridge. However, by offering support and validation, you’re helping them avoid assigning any judgments about their current emotional experience, leaving only support and strength for them.

4. Remind them of the great life they gave their pet

After their pet’s death, your friend may not immediately remember the details of the life that they gave their beloved family member. You can step in and remind them of how much love you could see with every interaction and assure them that they did the right thing by their pet whenever they could. Focus on the good, and let them revel in the happy memories.

5. Give them time to mourn

It’s often said that “time heals all wounds.” While you may want to avoid saying this statement directly, finding a soothing way to relate this idea can be helpful to a friend struggling to feel that they can move on. Assure them that they don’t have to rush the painful experience of grieving.

6. Share any memories you have of the pet

Swapping stories and sharing memories is a great way to keep the emotional connection between your friend and their pet’s memory alive. There’s no wrong way to offer up memories and general support.

7. Be there for the long haul

Losing a pet can be just as enduring and challenging as other types of grief, and it can be lasting. Try to support friends and loved ones in the following months and years. This ongoing support reminds them that their pet isn’t forgotten even as life moves forward. Avoid asking them if they’re going to get another pet. While it may be good-natured, it’s not the best question, especially since grief takes time.

Supporting someone during their grieving after they’ve just lost a pet can make a significant difference in their healing process. When you can support them physically, your help becomes a tangible comfort, providing both physical and emotional support.

8. Create a memorial

Set up a special spot or have something made to remember the pet. A photo album, a clay paw print, letters, toys, and sympathy cards can all be great additions to your memorial plans. You might also choose to donate in the pet’s name to a local humane society, have special jewelry or a gift made to memorialize the pet, or plant a tree to have something long-term to remember them by.

9. Bake them a treat

Food is a great way to comfort someone during difficult times. Baking them a special dessert or favorite treat is a great way to show them you care. You can also bake a treat together. Doing an activity together, like baking, can be cathartic and strengthen your bond, connection, and relationship with them.

10. Get outside with them

While exercise isn’t a remedy for grief, it releases endorphins and provides a relaxed setting for them to discuss the loss of a pet if they feel ready to. Nature’s therapeutic effects Trusted Source This is an approved Trusted Source for betterpet. Learn more about Trusted Sources can help improve their well-being just by being out in it. Establishing a walking routine or getting outside can help them gently adapt to their new daily life.

11. Treat them to self-care

Treating you and your friend to self-care can help show your support. Being there physically makes a significant difference, ensuring that they feel relaxed and comforted, and have emotional comfort they may need. It may be harder for them to find the motivation to do self-care on their own, so having a trusted friend alongside can give them the companionship they need during this time.

Even if you’re not physically present with your friend or loved one, you can still offer them support. Showing them care from afar can help them feel loved, supported, and remembered.

Beyond just sending a card, you can send a memorial gift, flowers, a plant, or make a donation. These provide tributes to their pet and honor their memory. Another way to show support is by buying them their favorite meal and having it delivered or gifting them an item they’ve been eyeing.

Additionally, you can video chat with them, do virtual shared meals, watch parties, or spend quiet time together. Even from a distance, this helps provide comfort and maintain a connection, providing moments of relief from sadness during their grieving process.

Sending a card to express your sympathy is always an appreciated gesture. It acknowledges their pain and lets them know you’re thinking about them. Here are a few things you can say to someone who’s lost a pet:

• I know what a special companion [pet’s name] was. Sending you love.
• You are not alone. Text me or call me whenever you want to talk.
• Thinking about you and [pet’s name]. Please let me know if you need anything.
• My heart’s aching for you, sending comfort, peace, and my deepest sympathies.
• I am so sorry for your loss. [Pet’s name] was so loved and will be greatly missed.
• I’m thinking of you and your family throughout this difficult time.
• Losing such an important part of the family is so difficult. I’m thinking about you. Don’t hesitate to call.

When it comes to a card, text, or email, tone and context are often lost in translation. So, being mindful of using the right words can go a long way.

When someone is grieving the loss of their pet, it’s natural to feel uneasy and unsure of what to say or do. Instead of trying to fix their pain, make it about yourself, or give them pep talks, give them the space to grieve in their own way. Here are a few things not to say to someone who’s grieving:

• “Your pet is in a better place.” Saying this invalidates the pain of losing the pet and can even imply that the pet owner did not offer enough to their pet while they were here.
• “It was just an animal, not a human.” Minimizing the pain of a pet’s passing simply because they weren’t human implies that the pet has a lower value, which is insulting — especially to the owner.
• “Are you going to get another one?” People going through the grief process might feel rushed or judged by this. It isn’t helpful.
• “They were suffering, so it’s probably for the best.” This can be incredibly hard to hear. The pet parent did the best they could for their animal, and there is nothing “good” or “best” about losing a pet.
• “When my pet died, I did x, y, or z.” This invalidates the pain the pet parent is going through and directs the focus to yourself rather than the person experiencing the pain.
• “It will be okay.” Saying this implies that grief is temporary and easy to overcome. Every person grieves differently, and this may not resonate with how they feel.
• “I know how you feel.” Grief is a personal and unique experience. While you may have felt grief at one point, this can make the other person feel as though their experience is generalized and diminishes their feelings.
• “Maybe it’s time to move on.” Your grieving is unique to you, and the same goes for your friend. This puts an unnecessary schedule and pressure on the grieving person and can make them feel like they’re grieving incorrectly.

Supporting and comforting someone who lost a pet requires patience, validation, understanding, and a commitment to being there for them. Listen without judgment and avoid trying to fix their grief. Each person’s grieving journey is unique, and sometimes, all someone wants is to feel companionship with someone they love and trust.